05 May 2013

Unexpected

My brother died the morning of January 9, 2013. One month to the day my grandmother passed. But lets back up a little bit.

I was feeling a little ill the night before. I had been camped out on the living room couch for almost a week. Momz made a nice family dinner and the three of us gathered in the living room for some TV and good times. We all joked around, poking fun at one another. It was an awesome night.

The next morning I woke up around noon. It was my day off and I was still feeling under the weather. Everyone was at work, so I was glad to have the house to myself. I remained fixed to the couch with the remote at my side.

Momz got home around three and hung out for an hour or so before leaving to pick Justin up from work at five. She got back an hour later alone saying he never made it to work. At this point it was dusk and she noticed a light coming from the shed.

Next thing I know, she's running back into the house telling me to call 911. Justin was dead and had been for hours.

04 May 2013

Blur

Most of my fall was a huge drunken blur. I drank whenever I wasn't at work, spending most of it numb. I was trying to avoid facing a handful of things. I spent nights, although it was usually just an hour, with different guys. I wasn't a fan of repeats. That lead to the rape. It didn't stop my behavior for some reason.

I didn't stop drinking until around Thanksgiving. My grandmother was dying, I was suicidal, and I felt like I had no friends. When she did pass, I decided I needed to be more serious about things. I realized I needed to take relationships seriously. I stopped hooking up and looking for something real.

Then my brother died.

16 April 2013

Where To Start

I'm not even sure where to start. I should probably discuss my six months of heavily drinking. Or maybe the absurd amount of one nights stands. The rape. The girl's  whose life I temporally ruined. Perhaps my family deaths.

I've been such a horrid person and I'm only beginning to become a decent human being again. This is going to majorly suck.

10 April 2013

I Might Be Back...

I lost regular computer access a while back which ended any chance of posting that might have been. I'm going to attempt to post more now that I've gotten a phone fancy enough to allow this.

I refuse to make any sort of promise.

But maybe a quick update?
I'm still single, by choice. I don't want to settle. My Nana died. My car died. New car. Brother died. Cat ran away. New job.

Life.

16 October 2012

From Insecure Back to Heartless

Last week was pretty damn strange for me. I decided to let someone in and open up. I went all lame and had feelings for someone. I had feelings for someone for the first time since Isaiah. I went all crazy girl and acted like an insecure little bitch. I'm actually wicked happy it's over.

I met this guy who turned out to be the ex of a girl I used to work with. We really got along but he was so flip floppy about his feelings for me. He claimed to like me, but then made a point to say he didn't want to be serious. He still had all these pictures of his ex all over the house and occasionally still referred to her as his wife. Then he just made me feel like complete and utter shit. So yeah, no thank you. I'm totally over that.

The night he gave me the whole spiel about not being serious, I started seeing other guys again. He saw me making out with another guy that night and still felt the need to question me about it. Now I've just fallen back into the habit of making out with everyone when I'm drinking, which is quite often. Though I can't blame them all on my drunkenness.

I have about an hour to get ready for a first date and I'm sitting here typing away. My hair is going to take the majority of that time. I should probably go, but I'm sure I won't. For some reason my procrastination is over shadowing my excitement to see a good movie. Perhaps I actually have missed sharing all my secrets with all my internet friends.