27 September 2011

Turtle Butt & Serious Rants About Motherhood

I got home earlier this afternoon from a wonderful overnight road trip with my lovely Erika. She brought me to her hometown so I could be her moral support in court for the custody battle of her son. It was a fun night and day of long discussions, weed, mouths on my favorite cylindrical object, laughs, laughs about the Village People, and a turtle coming on to while talking about the neck foreskin.

Seriously. A turtle was coming on to me. A fellow and I named the turtle Johnny Foreskin, before realizing it was female, because the neck was all wrinkled and silly looking. The turtle stared at me. Maybe because I valiantly saved her from certain death on the side of the road, maybe because I'm awesome, maybe because I'm hot to turtles. Regardless, it was staring at me. When I accused her of checking me out, she nodded. So I made fun of her wrinkly turtle butt.

The main post of this post, which I was going to make wicked serious but got terribly sidetracked, is about the reason we went to Concord. Erika had to be in court with her husband to deal with the issue regarding the custody of her son. This guy was a major tool bag and I wanted to punch him almost immediately in his smug, ugly face. He was enjoying her agony way too much and tried inciting a fight to the point the bailiff had to step in. The child isn't even biologically his, he just wants to cause grief.

After all this, when we were on our four hour drive back home, the serious discussions set in. We discussed what her husband has put her through, what Mike put me through. My shitty, abusive father, the trials of being a parent. Abortion, teenage motherhood, marriage. Literally anything having to do with the court case. Erika is my age, 22, and has two children. A seven year old daughter and a seven month old son, whom the custody battle is about.

I will say this straight out. I have NOTHING against teenage mothers. I love Erika to death and she got pregnant at fourteen. I have nothing against them, it just isn't my thing. I'm not ready to be a mother. I'm not done being a child myself to think about having one. I honestly don't believe myself to be emotionally or psychologically stable enough to be a mother. I just don't see myself doing it. To add onto it, my current situation is horrible for a child. I make barely any money, I'm lucky if I get twenty hours a week. I have no health insurance, no savings, and I'm horribly single. I wouldn't have the means to even afford a pregnancy.

I'm pro-choice. I've always believed the government shouldn't be able to pass a law that tells a woman whether or not she could choose to end a pregnancy. There are situations where it's extremely, well not beneficial, but ideal. Some pregnancies are life threatening to the mother, some children live horrible, short lives, some pregnancies are a product of rape, others just don't have the means to get proper health care during the pregnancy. At this point, I would get an abortion if I happened to get pregnant while I was whoring around. I'm not at a place in my life were I would be a good parent. Then again I say that now, but who knows what I'd actually do in the situation.

With all this said, when you do have a child, I don't understand how you would abandon it. I would just say I hate dead beat fathers, but mothers do it, too. Basically, bring a life into this world, fucking take care of it. Whether you give it up for adoption, giving it a loving home, or don't fucking have a kid. Don't be one of those losers who knocks up a chick and does nothing. No contact, no support, no presence. Single parents have it too hard, don't make things worse. A child needs their parents. Own up to your mistakes, you goddamn tool.


25 September 2011

For You

I dedicate tonight to you.

Where ever you may be, whoever you may be. Tonight is for you. You'll be on my mind tonight and I'm sure nothing else will be able to take your place.

My only hope is that somewhere, you're dedicating tonight to me as well.

23 September 2011

My Gay Husband Loves Me

I should have done this two weeks ago. Seriously. I'm going to be a little lame and not completely follow through on the requirements because I'd just be regifting these over and over.

So yes, awards. I only ever get awards from one person, because we're lovers forever and ever. And I love him oodles. Legit. Jamie's rightful place is by my side hitting on all the cutie boys we see as we walk arms linked. Just picture that, it's a pretty damn powerful image I'm giving you right thurr.

My darling Sig<3.  A great blog that is so emotionally charged with honesty it makes  you wanna hug her and never let go.  Oh, and pure coincidence her birthday today:D

Isn't he just the best?! Anyways, this one came with some questions that I feel just a teeny bit obligated to do.
What makes you laugh, smile or giggle? Simple, stupid things. Plus, I have the mind of a teenage boy. Anything even remotely sexual will have me grinning like a lunatic.
What are your dreams for your future?
Figure out what my plans are, find someone worthwhile, and possibly fulfill the generic motherhood dream.
If you are to go to a cruise, where would it be and why? I would be on the first boat to the South Pacific. I'm so in love with Australia it's redic. It's been my fantasy since I was twelve to become a marine biologist and work for a non profit animal sanctuary in Australia working with dolphins. Yep, I was that kid.How would you spend your vacation time and with whom? I would love anything coastal. The ocean is a part of my blood. Honestly, I'd love either a romantic vacation with a special someone, or a party thing with some close friends.If given a chance, what life would you choose? Your life now or your past? Well, neither is an awesome choice, but present. Always move forward.Is there something that you wished before when you were young but you didn’t get it? A dolphin. Obviously, that wasn't a realistic wish.Have you been in a situation where you might have given up but still you chose to move on? Welcome to my first and only year of college. I was so miserable and depressed, I rarely left my bed. I ended up flunking out that year. But, here I am. I'm no longer manically depressed with no interest in hurting myself anymore.Is their someone in your life who has been your source of strength and inspiration? Honestly, not really. I tend to just do whatever.

And one more. Because, aduh, he loves me. <3

22 September 2011

Letter to a Soldier

I'm actually really upset you're gone again. I've only seen you for a weekend in five years, but we've known each other twice as long. You were one of my childhood friends. Someone I greatly missed in the absence. You were what was good about Cape Cod, all the things I miss about it. Having you back in my life re-lit a spark in me that had died when I made the move.

I was so excited that you were stationed at Bragg. You were so close after being overseas for years. You would only be there a short time and within days we had plans to reunite. We had a short four days together, with me working half the time. But the two of us, it was great. It reminded me of home so much, of what I missed. I missed the humor, the sarcastic comments one after the other. It was so good to be around someone who didn't immediately write me off as stuck up rather than understand my personality quirks. 

Now, I'm worried about you. You're currently on a plane back to Afghanistan and it scares me. I don't want anything to happen to you. I don't want you over there for a year. I want you back here curled up in a hotel bed with me watching stupid movies and laughing. When I think of you, that's about all I imagine. Childhood friends simply enjoying each other's company.

My only hope is you stay safe and out of harm's way. Promise me you'll come back next year the same way you left. Come back to the people that love you just as we remember you.

21 September 2011

My Taste In Men Is The Worst

So. I apparently have a major issue with guys my own age. I either like guys my younger brother's age, which I won't touch because of the whole "you're only freshly legal thing and I don't feel like cradle robbing right now" mood of things. Or, I like guys way older. Like, in their thirties. I'm sure you remember that debacle with Jeremiah, my 31 year old hook up who ended up ruining the universe. Well... there's a new one I have my eye on. Who is, you guessed it, ten years my senior.

I happen to think he's absolutely gorgeous. He certainly doesn't look his age, I honestly judged him at 25 when I first met him. So. Chris is a week into the job and flirting with me, so I invited him to a party this past Friday night. I got out about 9, so I ended over to the party early and was the first one there as per my usual. I cracked open a beer and relaxed waiting for everyone else to get off work. Once a decent amount of people got there, the beer pong games started. Courtney and I won both our games and took bragging rights.

Once I was properly drunk, the closing shift showed up to the party. Which included Chris. I was pretty damn happy about that one. Some more drinking occurred, one or four blunts were passed around. I was basically glued to his side all night. I told him it was his job to keep me warm and giggled on the inside when his arm was around me. I told him straight out I thought he was hot and that people kept leaving us alone because of that.

18 September 2011

Drunk Birthday

My 22nd birthday was on the 7th and I should have written this post the day after but I've been avoiding the computer for some reason lately. I suck.

The day started with me leaving the house to beautify. I got a french manipedi, my hair cut, and my eyebrows done. Seriously guys, I cut my hair. Like five inches went from my head to the ground. It's much shorter than I wanted, but what's done is done and hair grows back. From that, I drove down the street to grab some lunch and some booze.

I'm sitting in a drive through and my car starts freaking out. Luna starts sputtering, stalling, and refusing to work. I manage to get out of line and into a spot but I know my clutch is dead. Thank you Luna for your amazing birthday gift, the amazing disappearing clutch. It rocked. I called my uncle, told him what happened, and asked him to come get me. I then called Erika that I wouldn't be at her house as soon as I had planned. Sitting at a McDonald's for close to two hours is no picnic my dears.

After much struggle, my car ends up being towed back to my house. Uncle offers to drive me to Erika's so I don't miss my own birthday party. I grabbed my bags and hop in, happy I actually get to end the night on a better note. She wasn't home when I got there, so I let myself in and start getting dressed. I'm all done up with my new do, killer heels, skinny jeans, and a shirt that makes my boobs the main attraction.

14 September 2011

Hometown Love

This past Thursday (now about two weeks because I'm a slacker), I had a blast from the past. A friend I've known for ten years but haven't seen in five, came for a visit. He's currently stationed at Fort Bragg, at least for another week, which is less than two hours away. So from Thursday to Sunday, I was in a hotel room with the awesome John.

I made him drive through the country backroads to get into town, just for the fun of it. Half way through the drive I get a text, "Where are we, Smallville?" I laughed to myself as we drive further into civilization. When we finally made it to the hotel and got ourselves situated, we ended up going for dinner and a movie. That night I had a new experience.

I was peer pressured. John had brought some e and I had never tried that before. I took a few hits, popped in a movie, and we waited. And waited. And waited. Nothing happened beside complaining about not feeling anything and slight footsie action. So, we took some more.

A few hours in, it hit. I felt like my nerve endings were more sensitive than ever before. Being cuddled in those covers were the most amazing feeling. Then there was the talking. It was never ending. I honestly did not shut up. When I became aware of my over talking, I would attempt to keep my mouth closed. But that only lasted about two seconds. The moment something entered my mind, it was out my mouth. Oh, and since this is me, there was sex involved.

The next day was pretty bad. I don't get hangovers, but I felt as if I was hungover. John and I spent a few hours at Erika's and we both felt ill the entire time. Work that night, was not fun to say the least. But the rest of the weekend was great. It was full of alcohol, sex, and fun.

You have no idea how great it was to be back around someone from Massachusetts. I could act like myself and not have to worry about offended someone. Talking, the comebacks came one after the other. It was pretty awesome.

So now my birthday bash... I'll spill that later.

10 September 2011


I have been very neglectful. I haven't necessarily been busy, just preoccupied or away from the house. My being at home this past week was a rare occurrence.

Thursday to Sunday: Hotel.
Wednesday to Thursday: Birthday party.

Yes, I was home for three days. But I wasn't mentally here. I zoned out to random videos and movies. I haven't been able to write a decent post, hence the slightly depressing one I posted earlier this week. I didn't want to be home and kind of let my brain vomit all over the keyboard. For that, I apologize. I'm still trying to figure out the biography and write happy posts in the mean time.

With that, I'm promising to write up about my week of drugs, alcohol, sex, and some creepers. It'll be a two parter.

05 September 2011

Title Unknown

Hello dear friend, I hope you have missed me just as much if not more than I have missed you. I lost power and internet privileges for multiple days then I was holed up in a hotel room half naked and not completely sober.

But that is a different story.

Though we might come back to it in time, as it may intertwine through the message of the following clip of writing.

This is the story of a girl desperately trying to write a biography of her disorder. Of her self destructive nature. Of her hurtful coping mechanisms. The instruments that have numbing qualities that may or may not include alcohol, drugs, knives, and self wallowing.

This is the story of a girl who's trying to fix everything but in the end can't fix a damn thing. This girl is growing older and not learning anything new. This girl will only be this age for another two days. This girl wanted to spill about her weekend full of sex, old friends, alcohol, and her upcoming birthday, but got distracted. Distracted like a a child would with the sound of jingling keys.

This too shall pass and maybe later this week, if I remain sober enough through the birthday partying, I'll let you know about my first time on ecstasy.