Botched Threesome & Bad Decisions

When my weeks on Cape were winding down, my social calender was getting pretty full. Everyone seemed to want to have a least one night with my company before I disappeared into the horizon forever. One night I was at work, I got a text from Bestie telling me I'm picking her up from the mall to hang out that night. Soon after I received this from her phone:

This is Tom. Bring the backpack.

Now I should probably explain the backpack. I had several contraband items in my room, so while packing I put everything that could cause Mom to bite my head off into my backpack. It was quite genius. I'll let you guess it's contents. Don't worry, you'll find out during the story.

As soon as I clocked out, I drove to the mall ten miles down the road to pick up Bestie and Tom. On the way, I was texting my crush at the time, Chuckie, a delightful Brazilian who made me tingly in all the right ways. We drove to my house and I grabbed my backpack and overnight clothes for Bestie and I. While waiting for Chuckie and Gannon, the two had quite a bromance, the three of us went to the grocery store located conveniently behind my house to grab chocolate milk, sprite, and orange juice. Back in my neighborhood, we noticed a few kids drinking and demanded Tom freestyle for them, he was half black and had rhyme. Chuckie and Gannon arrived.

2am Romanticism

I sat down with the intention of ranting about something that seems relevant to my 1:30am brain but only one thing seems to be on my mind. My head is filled with romantic images and love that's getting harder and harder to put into new words. Love is still such a difficult emotion for me, I've built walls up around my heart that have been there for years. In the past three years I've pretended to be in love just to receive the love I craved but it never worked out the way I hoped for. I still have many of those walls up, but I feel like they're coming down little by little each day, with each conversation. It's my greatest wish right now to see this through regardless of what obstacles may be there. If this is truely fate like you believe, then I believe that we'll find a way to make it work.

My favorite band and yes, they're Canadian. <3

If I Die Tonight...

There's been a few threads about this topic in the Shop lately, what would you do on your last day, are you happy with your life... I figured I'd go into this a little considering there's a handful of tornadoes heading my way and there's a possibility I'll be in a morgue tomorrow. Oh look, Jess sure is chipper and optimistic about the coming storm!

Am I happy with my life? Well I'm content. There's not much to my life right now and I could be much better off. I wish I wasn't in debt from the college failure, I wish I had more money, I wish I had a social life, and I wish I could afford to be on my own. But I realize I could be far worse off. It's not like I'm homeless and starving, at least I have a roof over my head and my tummy is full each night. I might not have a social life, but I have some of the best friends in the world. I wouldn't give up the people I chose as my best friends for anything in this world. You guys are the ones that make me happy and I love each and every one of you. So my life might not be the best, but it's also not the worst and I'm okay with that.

So what about my last day on Earth? I'd definitely spend it with the ones I love. I want to be a good person and say that would be my family, but honestly I'd go with my adoptive family. All my closest friends back in Massachusetts would get me for my last day and I wouldn't regret a moment. On the other hand, it would be truely a miracle to spend it with the person I was in love with. I would cherish every last kiss if that were a possibility. And if I'm being completely honest, I'd probably get wicked drunk. I mean, this is me we're talking about.

So wish me luck blogging world. The death toll in Alabama was well over a hundred, let's hope it doesn't hit here...

Who Knocked Me Up?

I created an imaginary show as an inside joke for my friends and I, mainly because I've had more than one pregnancy scare in my sexually active past. This story is my favorite. So...

On tonight's episode of Who Knocked Me Up? was it the straightedge boyfriend? Or was it his best friend? Stay tuned to find out...

Once upon a time, Jess met a boy off the internet who seemed absolutely delightful. They lived about twenty miles apart, but the main center of Cape Cod was in the middle creating a mutual hang out. After talking for a little while and sharing random facts about each other, like the fact he was Straightedge and she had snakebites, they agreed to meet for a movie.

Jess went to the mall after work and went to the bookstore since she needed new manga. While looking at manga and texting Straightedge, Jess noticed someone standing behind her. When it began to freak her out, she went to pay at the register. More texting occurred and both came to the realization that it was indeed Straightedge standing behind her and they laughed. They walked to the movies at the other end of the mall, chatting to get over the awkward feelings that lingered from meeting someone you met off the internet.

Operation Save Bunny Winnie.

He died.

Well, That's Different.

I was in the Shop like every day and one thread turned to sex, the good ones usually do. This spawned the conversation about different fetishes. It was requested I make a post about mine, here you go.

*Disclaimer: This post is going to get wicked weird and personal. The weak heart need not read further. I also want you to keep in mind in no way do I force any of my interests on the unwilling partner. I've gotten pretty good at quieting my interests.*

Killer Dels

"Jess! Come quick! Jess!"

I was sitting in my room when I heard Mom calling for me. I run out of my room to see what's wrong.

"Jess, Dels got a mouse! Come look! JESS!"

I stand in the doorway of the mudroom and look down where Mom's finger leads. Beneath the steps I see my cat Dels. In front of him I see a seemingly dead small brown animal. Dels is acting so proud of his kill and casually bats the poor animal. The creature moves and I see ears that don't belong to a mouse.

"IT'S A BUNNY!"

Pick Up Or Delivery?

I finally got a job after five months of unemployment. It's a half hour drive away, but most everything is. For now I'll be working in a pizza shop to make my dough. I came home smelling of tomatoes and dirty water with a slightly more than pounding headache. I overcharged someone 15$ today because I couldn't keep the thousands of specials straight. But it was only my second day so I'm not caring too much, it was resolved in the end.

I didn't work long today, but I didn't get much sleep last night so I'm pretty tired. I'm going to lay in bed and talk to the most adorable person I know. Good night, bloggers.

The List

The hot celebrity lists are going around in the blogging world. It personally came to my attention from Petite over at Coffee and Smokes Chat. I'm going to do my list of any famous person that I would do if given the chance and you my lovely bloggers lucked out with the bisexual. Both men and women will grace my list so neither gender or orientation will feel neglected. Enjoy my favorite hotties!

Bangable Celebrities

Men

Jesse Metcalfe

Vlog 3

I didn't watch it. :p

I watched it a half hour after the fact. It's boring, sorry guys.

New Vlog?

At your request, I might make a vlog tonight. It all depends how exhausted and hateful I am when I return from class. I kind of want to do one outside, so cross your fingers for nice weather!

If you have any topics you want me to discuss, leave them below!

More From the Notebook

I hope I haven't posted any of these before. If I have, oh well - read them again. =]

That late night is all that crosses my mind. It didn't feel right but I never listen to my heart. I only think with my mind, finding the easiest way, finding a means to an end. I put all my chips on you. If this didn't work, I'd be left with what I had before - nothing. You were never the one, but the one that passed the time.

***************************************************************************

Gone without a word, leaving me waiting
I never saw this coming through the laughing
My eyes didn't fill with the normal sea
My heart didn't ache like it should
Turns out I lied to myself as well as you
I thought I cared, I thought I felt happiness
I thought this was companionship

It may as well been a ghost, for I felt no loss
My world didn't shatter, I hod no memories to erase
The only emotion I felt in your absence was anger
Anger, not as you, but the situation, the game
I felt as if I had lost a game I didn't know I was a part of

Unrequited Love

Love is a funny thing. Two people meeting in a random occurrence that grow together in such a way they feel more themselves with the other. Being without your partner makes you feel as though you're missing a limb. Love is an emotion so deep and complicated it's often misinterpreted. Lust, infatuation, need, convenience. It's turned into a word that's thrown around with such little thought, it has lost almost all meaning. I have claimed to love almost every man I've been in a relationship with, but have I actually had that love for each of them? No, I didn't. I said it because they had said it to me and it was expected I feel the same. Sometimes I said it out of habit, other times just because I wanted to feel that way. Though I believe false love isn't the form that hurts most.

Unrequited love is an extremely complicated emotion. Being in love, truely, with a person but never being able to express it seems to hurt much worse. Love needs to be returned, love needs to be felt. Sometimes it's a friend, other times someone you've never physically met, but it all feels the same. You're willing to give up your life for them, do anything to make them happy, but they don't know how you feel. Love knows no bounds, state lines, country boundaries, time zones. Love exists whether we want it to or not. Unrequited love breaks hearts based on missed opportunities, wrong times. It breaks hearts because most aren't willing to give up their comfortable lives on the risk, especially when separate countries are involved.

I've been in this situation before, though in position most wouldn't expect for me. I'm the one who tends to fall fast and hard, though that has been changing more recently. About two years ago through some chance through random messaging boards, I met the most amazing boy from Canada. We had spoken constantly from when we met in mid-May and quickly became great friends. We shared practically everything and I missed me when we weren't able to talk. He was one of my closest friends, I did have feelings for him but I mostly ignored them considering I lived in America and he was in Canada. I made sure I only thought of him as a friend in order to protect myself and still casually flirted with men in my area. Every time we discussed our days, I never noticed how it hurt him to hear about the people I met and became interested in. Soon we had discussed him coming to visit me. I was more excited than ever, one of my best friends was finally coming to see me. Then I moved to my college town the first of August.

Dorking It Old Skool

This set up is now in a different location in my room - two feet from my bed. The only reason I even still have this ancient equipment is for the sole purpose of my geekdom. Walk into my room and on your left you'll see the bulky tv on top of the equally old vcr. My four controllers chill out underneath so I can have epic gaming parties should I ever have people over. I managed to hold onto about 42 games, though my favorite was lost. I have everything from racing games on every motorized vehicle to fighting games in all arenas to game shows to sports to stories. I never got a hang of the new systems. Honestly, I'm lost if you hand me the controller to XBox 360, my characters aren't going to be walking in a straight line. I'll shoot without discretion and miss 95% of the time. You'd hate to have me on your team, but love me on the opposite team for the easy kill. Set me up with some old skool N64 Mortal Kombat and I'll kick your ass. Same goes for MarioKart. You see, I kick it old skool when I play my video games. I never got into a gaming system quite like I did with the Nintendo 64. When I first got it all those years ago, I pretty much peed myself with excitement and went on to waste many days in front of the television screen. It was a pretty short list of the things I did when I was younger: read; sleep; play N64. The tv only existed for my games. 

You Are Glorious

Here's a happy song. =D

My day did a total 180. I woke up this morning in a grumpy, half drunken stupor and was ready to rip off heads for just daring to look my way. I was angry, barely talking to anyone. Mainly because of my awful drunken temper that I felt the need to take out on people the night before just for speaking the truth. I fell back asleep to a crime show about a dismembered body and had wonderful dreams of murder. I was woken almost two hours later and dragged outside to do lawn work. Believe me, I was not too happy about the assignment but nonetheless, I pulled on some jeans, a tank top, and slipped into some cute ballet flats. I grudgingly walked out the front door, and wow.

The day was just so beautiful it immediately lifted my spirits. Sunshine really does make you feel better. It increases endorphin and serotonin production which lifts your mood and makes you feel just incredible. Sun just gives you that overall sense of well being. Spending a few hours with your bare feet sinking into the soil with a rake in your hands is honestly a great way to waste an afternoon. I ripped up weeds with my bare hands and helped tear out an old cactus. That was a challenge, I had to play doctor many times since I'm the only one with eyes good enough to manage the tweezers around the tiny spurs. ...Speaking of, I was just called out. XD I was very tempted to stay outside all day and just tan, which I did for a little while. I laid out on the 4wheeler and dozed off for a bit. Brother snuck a picture of me because he's a little butt.

Why Hello 3am

I'm sitting here at 3am and I'm not sure exactly what to write. All I know is I really wish I was back on Cape Cod and with my best friend. It's times like this when I miss her most and talking with her over Facebook just isn't enough. Sometimes a girl just needs her best friend for more than just support. I miss you, love, I honestly do. I love you and wish I was with you so we could creep on boys and drink until we fall down. This vodka would taste a whole lot better if you were with me. And perhaps I wouldn't be twitching as much, hm... not sure what that is about. Though I do shake when I'm upset, so that could be it. Hopefully a few more shots will fix that.

So sweetie, come to me.

ABC, It's Easy As 123...

This song has been on my mind. You know who you are. <3

I stole this little number from Joanna. Check her out!

Age: 21 until September.

Bed Size: Full size sleigh bed.

Chore you hate:  Cleaning up after the animals.

Dogs:  Harley, the family pit bull.

Essential start of your day:  The morning pee.

Favorite Color:  Black, then blue.

Gold or silver:  Silver or white gold.

Height: 5'5''

Yes Kind Sir, Please Continue...

I've got ink on the brain, so I decided it's tattoo day. I'm going to show some skin and sketches of my work. I should start at the beginning...

I was a young girl of 14 and wanted someone to shove a ink dipped needle into my flesh repeatedly. I was such a strange child and having a tattoo covered mother, I got my wish. A month before my 15th birthday I was brought to a parlor and told to pick what I wanted. This happened in New York where the age is 16 but being friends with the artist caused him not to ask too many questions. I sat down, he shaved my back, and took the pain like a goddamn trooper. This is the glorious result.

Hey Check This Out

My bestie from another testie sent me this video this morning with the message "No one guy should be this awesome." I fully agree, dude's the shit. I kind of really dig his sure awesome dance moves. So check it out and enjoy this epic display of awesome. 

Quote of the day:

"I masturbate because I'm the only one with standards low enough to fuck me."

Bo Burnham

Hey You! Yeah, Flea! I Got A Bargain For You!

So where do fleas go when they're looking for a hot deal on the most random junk you can think of? The flea market of course! And what did I do this morning? If you guessed, manned a table at a flea market whilst looking unbelievably cute and smiling like a goon, you guessed right! I will totes go in detail on pretty much everything thing in that sentence if you just give me a second to finish eating my spanish rice stuffed pita pocket. Delish.

So I spent all last night filling both Luna, my teeny tiny hatchback, and Nana's car. Do you know how hard it is to drive stick with a huge table taking up your whole car right up to your shoulder? Hard. As. Poop. But I did it. So I woke up at the crack of dawn to get cute and drove over to Nana's house to head out. It was all misty and sucky when we pulled up but the day did get loads better and was sunshiney by the end of the day. I got a tan, it was that awesome out. I got a little sweaty packing everything up but it happens. I didn't sell too much but I did get men coming up to talk to me. I saw someone I knew and he teased me for walking around everywhere with Chipper.

So I spent an hour getting ready this morning and what was the result? Adorableness. I wore dark blue skinny jeans, my blue striped v neck, and a black knit shawl-y shirt. I got a super long black ribbon necklace with various black beads spaced throughout the other day, I had to loop it three times and it still came to my waist. I love it. Top it all off with black converse and I was styling. Good looking people sell more stuff, I needed to look hawt.

So why was I smiling like a goon you might ask? That is kind of a secret. We'll just say I'm quite infatuated with an adorable guy who kept sending me the greatest texts while I was working. I was honestly smiling so huge, it was hard not to notice. This boy, he makes me feel pretty amazing.

So I hope my hyper and happy writing style today hasn't been a hungry tumor on your brain eating your intelligence. I'll try to be back to normal soon.

<3

Some Musings: Spoken Word and Poetry

I've had this scenario dancing through my head for the last few days. We're hand and hand walking along the beach. I've always felt more at home near the ocean, but you being there just made it perfect. Rain begins to fall and I'm immediately filled with utter happiness. I want to dance along the beach with someone I care about. I want to feel completely at home with such happiness that I never want it to end. I long to pull you close in my arms and share it all with you. Share a perfect moment with the perfect kiss. Feeling your lips on mine, you arms around me, that love just radiating off the two of us floating off to sea. So hold me close and never let go. Don't let go of the moment, of the kiss, of me.

***************************************************

I wish you didn't wait
I wish you told me
I wish you told the truth
I wish I knew

It was all lies
It was all for pretend
It was never love to you
It was only physical

This Is A Hard One

Here's another spoken word letter. It's a little hard to get out and I won't be surprised if I'm in tears by the end of this post. But it's almost 4am and I need to get something out and it might as well be the worst of my past. Here goes nothing.

It's taken me two years to get to this point, but I'm nowhere near okay. I'm tired of getting yelled at, tired of getting hurt. I hate you for ruining me. I hate you for a lot of things, but mainly that. You did ruin me, whether you think you did or not. You were my love, my life for so long, what did you think would happrn? I stopped writing for so long it hurt, mostly because every line I wrote on the page is filled with the heartbreak you caused me. I was emotionally tortured for a year. All you did was use me for sex. You said you loved me still, got in my pants, and the second it was over, so were we. No wonder I'm so fucked up in that department. You taught me the only way someone would love me was by sleeping with them. The only worthwhile part of me lays in my pants. Most of my relationships, whether they be casual or serious, revolve around sex and I blame you for that. I'm paranoid, untrusting, angry, and it's all your fault. Sometimes I wonder what made us go from happily engaged to you wanting to hurt me so badly. I was in therapy, on antidepressants, hurting myself, seriously considering ending it all. All because of what you did to me. I still cry sometimes, still think about hurting myself. The only difference now is those moments usually include some sort of alcohol to numb myself. It's getting hard to explain away the scars. My actions are getting complicated to explain away. You are so engraved in everything I do, I can't cut it out two years, hell almost three years later. I hate it. I moved five states away and still can't escape you. You like popping up every once in a while to see how I'm doing. I have a feeling it's to make sure I'm still regretting you. I'd never had a single regret in my life and you changed that. I regret you. You took the greatest love of my life, one I wanted until I grew old, and ruined it. Changed it into something so ugly that no one can recognize what it used to be. You manipulated me, tortured me, used me, made me hate so many things. I just want this to fade away. I just want you to let me go. I'm officially begging. Just let me go. 

That. Sucked.

Burger Bowl Off! & Bored Antics

I just saw this and it absolutely made my day. I was on the verge of falling of the couch and peeing my pants. If anyone ever wants to do this with me, just let me know. I'd love to throw a burger at some random dude on the streets. =D

In other news, I managed to get the internet password from Uncle. Though it did take trial and error. He had forgotten. XD It's been pretty good here so far, like having my own place for the weekend. The dogs have been good and got a treat for not escaping through Houdini like powers and running amok through the streets while I slept. For three full grown pits, they're pretty big sweethearts. The male is a total lady's man and needs to be by my side the entire time he's out of his kennel. Silly dog. XD

I'll be having a Harry Potter marathon for the rest of the day, so I'm skipping class. Harry Potter is much more entertaining than math. Who cares if there's a test next seated class, that's two weeks away. So if anyone wishes to entertain me or simply join my marathon you're more than welcome. =D

MIA

I'm going to quite possibly be MIA until sometime Monday night or Tuesday morning. Uncle is going out of town and needs someone to feed his three pit bulls. So I'll be at his house and if he doesn't give me his internet password, there's a good chance I'll be bored out of my mind without it.

Since I'm taking this break, I decided to end the serial killers there. There was probably four or five I didn't share but I did do a lot. I hope you all enjoyed it. Have a good weekend.

Break!

Today is your serial killer break. So cuddle up with someone awesome and pretend there's nothing bad in the world, on me. If you don't have an awesome cuddle buddy, Dels is pretty adorable!

Zodiac Killer

Date of Birth: ?

Date of Death: ?

MO: Murder

Victim Count: 5-37

The Zodiac Killer is still unknown and although the case is deemed "inactive", it was been reopened many times. The killings spanned from 1966 to 1972. Zodiac claimed to have killed 37 people, though only 5 of them have been confirmed along with two survivors. 

The first attack associated with Zodiac occurred in 1968. A couple had left a concert and arrived at a local lover's lane at 10:15pm. Their bodies were found at 11pm by a woman who lived near by. The male had been shot in the head and the female shot five times as she tried to flee. Seven months later in 1969, only four miles from the first murder, a couple pulls into a park around midnight. A car pulls in, drives away, and returns only ten minutes later. The driver gets out and shoots the couple still in their car. 12:40, a man calls the local police reporting the shootings and taking responsibility along with the previous killings the year before.

Hello Beautiful Day

I love you.

I love you, bestie. Talking to you made me miss you loads and I wish I could go home so we could creep in Doyle like old times, we'll ignore the fact Doyle died. We need red drank and cheese and crackers late at night watching the crazy b movies I love so much. We need random itg days when we feel lame. I miss being able to gossip about boys face to face. I want the Fire to my Ice back. Can we please get drunk so we can scream bitch at each other and so I can spoon feed you hot fudge brownie sundaes? I want to go to local shows to hit on the musicians and car rides at random times at night. Love you Meg, don't ever forget.

Pedro Alonso Lopez

              

Date of Birth: October 8, 1948

Date of Death: ?

MO: Rape, Murder

Victim Count: 300+

Nicknames: The Monster of the Andes





Pedro was born in Columbia to a prostitute, making him one of thirteen. In 1957 when he was eight, his mother caught him touching his younger sister and kicked him out of the house. An older man picked him up and brought him to a deserted house where Pedro was sodomized multiple times. An American family took him in when he was twelve, enrolling him in a school for orphans, though ran away after being molested by one of his male teachers. At age eighteen, Pedro did some jail time. He claims to have been gang raped and killed three of the men that raped him while still in jail.

Once released from jail, Pedro began hunting young girls in Peru. By 1978 he claims to have killed over 100. Around this time he was caught by a native tribe who planned to execute him for his crimes. An American missionary intervened and convinced them to hand him over to the police, who soon released him. After the release, Pedro traveled to Columbia then Ecuador, killing about three girls a week.

Christopher Wilder

          

Here's my Australian. =D

Date of Birth: March 13, 1945

Date of Death: April 13, 1984

MO: Rape, Torture, Murder

Victim Count: 8+

Nicknames: The Beauty Queen Killer




Wilder was born in Sydney Australia but almost died during the birth. He was survived only to almost drown at two. In 1962/1963, he plead guilty to a gang rape on a Sydney beach and was put on probation with a side of electroshock therapy. This therapy may have intensified his violence sexual tendencies. His favorite book,  The Collector by John Fowles, was about a man who keeps a woman against her will in a basement until she dies. He practically had it memorized and he had a copy on his person when he died.

Wilder has been linked to the 1965 Wanda Beach Murders that occurred in Cronulla, though he was one of three suspects. Two 15 year old girls went missing and their bodies were found the following day. This case is still unsolved.

Ronald Dominique

I'm giving you a break today, here's a short one.

Date of Birth: 1964

Date of Death: ?

MO: Rape, Murder

Victim Count: 23+

Ronald Dominique killed in the years 1997 to 2006 in Lousiana. The following is from here.

Dominique was investigated following a police report by a man who refused to let Dominique tie him up. The most recent victim, Christopher Sutterfield, had died about two months earlier.
Following his arrest on December 1, 2006, Dominique confessed to the rape and murder of at least 23 men over a ten-year period beginning in 1997, in Terrebonne Parish, Lafourche Parish, Iberville Parish and Jefferson Parish in suburban New Orleans. In his confession, Dominique, who is reportedly gay, said he frequented area gay bars and targeted men he thought would be willing to have sex for money. He was charged with multiple cases of rape and first-degree murder.
On September 23, 2008, Dominique was sentenced to eight life sentences after confessing to raping and killing his male victims over a 10-year period Dominique pleaded guilty to first-degree murder in a deal to avoid the death penalty. He is incarcerated at the Louisiana State Penitentiary in Angola.