29 May 2007

In Need Of Help.

Everything is beginning to fall apart and I no longer know what to do anymore. I feel as if I should question anything and everything that is happening but also feel like I should just cave in. Somehow everything seems to be my fault and I don't do anything. All I do is go to school, work, and hang out with Mike. But yet I'm the cause of everyone's problems. It's somehow my fault that everyone hates me. Half his friends hate cause I somehow changed him and turned him into the so-called "bitch". And now the person I've known the longest seems to hate me because of this. Saying how she's going to cut him off because he wasn't there for her. It seems like everyone is against me for some reason and I cannot deal with it. As I'm writing this I'm on the verge of tears because I feel like I cannot do anything right and shouldn't bother anymore. I honestly cannot wait until I graduate next year. I need to get away from Cape Cod and these ignorant people. I want to go somewhere where no one knows me and I can be who I want to be. Not constantly watching my back just in case I get blamed for something else. I already plan to cut everyone off this summer, with the exception of my boyfriend. But it seems like even he doesn't want to be around me. Lately he's seemed slightly angry and I'm not sure if it's because of me. Part of me thinks it is and I don't know what to do about that. I'm so afraid I'm going to lose him after all this and I never want that to happen. It just seems so hard to keep this going when all everyone does is talk about me behind my back spreading all these rumors that aren't true. I'm honestly not sure what he does and does not believe. I think the vision he had of me has changed for the worse and that I'll no longer seem worthy to him in his eyes. It feels so horrible to have no one to talk to anymore. There is no one for me to vent with and I'm forced to keep half of all this to myself. I can't exactly tell him that I feel this way. That would just make me seem insecure and helpless. I need to take some days to myself but I can't do that. I'd miss him too much. I think I should seriously ditch the Cape for awhile but I have no where to go. I hate this place and I cannot stand the majority of the people here. Please take me away from this place someone and help me through all this. I have no idea what to do and I'm losing it.

25 May 2007


I'm going crazy and have nothing to do.

I hate this.

22 May 2007


Today was so amazing. I loved every single moment of it, while except for like half an hour. I guess I'll have to start at the beginning of my wonderful day.

Reminiscing about oldie songs was great. Slightly sad that I could sing along and knew every word to the majority of them. The begin the Rollo parade throughout the rest of school with our version of the Vietcong tunnels. Bliss.

Drove Mike around for a while: Hy-Line; Jared's; Dunkin' Dounuts; Taco Bell; Christmas Tree Shop; and Dead Zone. And then he bought me the prettiest bracelet at the last location. I love it so much and it is absolutely beautiful. I love him so much.

Bad: Bobby and Austin harassing Justin yet again. Except this time they brought my mom into it, calling her a whore. Of course I had to get myself involved and talk to the two of them except they had to be around little kids so I couldn't bitch them out as I wished. Damn. But we just got back from talking with Bobby's parents, so it's slightly better.

Back to good. Mike means everything to me and I'm so happy I have him. He's the best thing I could have ever hoped for. He treats me the way only the most special girls deserve. I'm so happy he's considering going to South Carolina with me. It makes everything so much easier. And he's completely ecsatic about the fact that he now has a job and will have money on a regular basis, a good chunk too. I love him more than anything and I always will.

And he claims that he will never find anyone that he loves more than me. Which, is the best thing I have ever heard.

21 May 2007

Ah, I have been seduced into the world of online blogging and now feel the need to spill my soul for those who choose to read.

I'm sure most of you must know me, because how else did you get the link to this site and my blog?

I think that I will leave this short introduction and make real progress on a new day.