Unexpected

My brother died the morning of January 9, 2013. One month to the day my grandmother passed. But lets back up a little bit.

I was feeling a little ill the night before. I had been camped out on the living room couch for almost a week. Momz made a nice family dinner and the three of us gathered in the living room for some TV and good times. We all joked around, poking fun at one another. It was an awesome night.

The next morning I woke up around noon. It was my day off and I was still feeling under the weather. Everyone was at work, so I was glad to have the house to myself. I remained fixed to the couch with the remote at my side.

Momz got home around three and hung out for an hour or so before leaving to pick Justin up from work at five. She got back an hour later alone saying he never made it to work. At this point it was dusk and she noticed a light coming from the shed.

Next thing I know, she's running back into the house telling me to call 911. Justin was dead and had been for hours.

Blur

Most of my fall was a huge drunken blur. I drank whenever I wasn't at work, spending most of it numb. I was trying to avoid facing a handful of things. I spent nights, although it was usually just an hour, with different guys. I wasn't a fan of repeats. That lead to the rape. It didn't stop my behavior for some reason.

I didn't stop drinking until around Thanksgiving. My grandmother was dying, I was suicidal, and I felt like I had no friends. When she did pass, I decided I needed to be more serious about things. I realized I needed to take relationships seriously. I stopped hooking up and looking for something real.

Then my brother died.