Love Kills Or How I'm Using Rob's Death to Justify Why I Hate Love

My friend died. My ghetto Canadian is gone. My friend of just a few years, whom was more than a friend at one point, passed away two days ago after being in a coma for a week. I've been in denial just slightly.

I'm officially in the anger phase.

I'm mad at Rob. The fucking asshole did it to himself. The accident was his fault. He was speeding in the downpour and hit a sharp curve going too fast. He left his lane and got clipped by a pick up. He drives drove a tiny ass car, smaller than the one I drive now. This caused him to fish tail, getting t-boned by a second pick up. His car flipped. Fuck you, Rob, for causing this and being to goddamn stupid to slow down in that weather.

Rob had gotten into a fight that morning with his girlfriend. They broke up because she didn't love him anymore while he was still in love with her. He said he didn't care to live anymore. Well, apparently someone was listening and made it happen. He fucking gave up and stopped fighting to live. She even had the goddamn nerve to show up at the hospital even though no one wanted her there. So fuck you, bitch, I'm blaming this all on you.

I spoke to him the night before this happened. Twelve hours before he was speeding down that road, Rob was talking to me. He said he missed me, he told me his plans to move to the Carolinas to be close to his best friend, my cousin, who had moved to South Carolina. He fucking hit on me. We talked about the time we had tried to go out. Our one date, the time we slept together, joked about it happening it again. Well guess what, asshole? It fucking won't.

I'm officially convinced that he died because of love. I'm going to stay convinced no matter how much anyone tried to prove otherwise, which many attempted earlier. Everything that caused his death started with his broken heart. So fuck love. Fuck relationships.

I'm using this one thing as an excuse to justify my commitment issues. What's the point of a relationship when it just ends in pain and ultimately death? Sorry, but I much rather live and not want to die everyday. I haven't wanted or been able to handle a relationship in a while and at this point, I don't even think I want to deal with a bone buddy. That's too much commitment for me.

I can't deal with anymore personal relationships at this point in time. I'm too angry. I'm angry with just about everything. Love, relationships, commitment, life, people, the world. When I want to punch something or someone everything five minutes, I don't think it's smart to involve people in my life. I can barely feel my hand from punching the ceiling of my car all night.

Love is pointless.

New Ink

I've been slacking horribly lately. But hopefully my pain will tide you over for now.

I went and got my foot covered yesterday.

Apathetic

It's raining. It has been for a few hours now. The sky has been dark and stormy for quite awhile. Nature is crying for me so I won't waste any more of my tears on you.

Whether these tears be from anger or sadness, they won't fall any longer. I've finally realized you aren't worth the effort. You never put the effort into me and now I'm done. This is the end of me worrying over you and this is the end of me caring.

I no longer love you. I no longer hate you. The thought of you brings about no emotion. You're just another number in my phone. Another name on my computer. Another face in my memory. That's all. This is going to be the last time I write to you. You're no longer worth the space on this site.

The scars you caused will fade just as you have from my life.

Tumblr

I hate your opinion of me. 


Stop only texting me at 1am.


I'm not your booty call.


I'm worth more than you're giving me credit for. 




That's a post from my Tumblr account The Itch. I encourage you to check it out. I use it for all the thoughts and quotes I find too short for the longer format of this blog. 

Why Meeting People Off The Internet Is Awesome

Tonight was amazing. It seems like every other night I have is the best ever, but tonight was a low key good night. I've been texting this boy from the interwebs for the last couple days and tonight we decided to meet.

We ended up meeting in the Walmart parking lot where I was sitting on the hood of my car and he was in staring at me from inside his. We established we're both creepers, indecisive, and tattoo obsessed. I brought him to my new favorite bar, the one I went to for both my birthday and a week ago, and he loved the place.

Chris and I ended up having a few drinks and talking for a few hours. He made from of my accent, teased me from being from a state he hated, and we watched a bit of a baseball game on. We discussed his time in the Marines, his upcoming deployment, our families. Though making fun of the horrible karaoke singers may have been the funniest part. At one point, Chris put his arm around me and twenty minutes later kissed me. We did make out for a bit, but it was nice.

I thoroughly enjoyed my night. Not in a lustful, hot man way. But a cute crush sort of way. He's already asked to see me tomorrow after work and I'm pretty excited. I'm kind of sort of really into him. More than I thought I would.

That is why I'm now wicked pro-meeting people off the internet.

Drunk Dick

So douche nozzle Johnny never called and didn't respond to a nonchalant text I sent. So therefore he is now being referred to as Drunk Dick.

Because I deserved more than his lame attempt at a bar hook up. He sucks at life just a little bit.

As for now, I'm just flirting with Chris at work because he's gorgeous and just a perfect specimen of the male body. If I could post his picture for you, I would. But I'm trying not to destroy his privacy like I've erased any form of mine.

So your favorite blogger, just pretend that's me for a second, is still going to jam out with her clam out and rock the single life. Pretty much because I don't have a choice and I rather rock it than be miserable.

Sorry folks, that's all I can make into coherent sentences for now.

Douche Magnet

So I facebook stalked previously mentioned cute boy from the bar, mister Johnny.

He's married.

I have a magnet for men looking to cheat.

I suck.

Let's hope it's one of those joke marriages.

Like the one I have there.

The Best Night I've Had In A Long Time

I just got home and it's just past 3am. But it's cool because I don't have work for fourteen hours give or take. I'm still slightly buzzed and elated from everything that just happened.

Disclaimer: I'm still buzzed from the bar therefore this gets very explicit.

While at work, Erika and I decided that we were going out afterwards. We needed to plan my Halloween costume for the big party and maybe we wanted a drink. Or two. I was scheduled off before she was, but she had come in a few hours earlier, so fingers crossed we'd get out around the same time.

An hour of waiting, a phone call from the Momz, and we were off. Momz requested I picked her up at work since she was on the motorcycle and there was a thunderstorm abrewing. Completely understandable, and since we were only planning on going to our local 24hour Walmart, Erika and I didn't mind.

We took the trip back to my place, met Momz, who ended up just taking the coat I brought and decided to driver herself since the rain had stopped, back to my place to change into nicer clothes. Nice clothes meaning, clothes that aren't work clothes. Dressed in low cut shirts, wedge heels, and a touch of makeup, we drove the half hour trip back into town.

We made our first stop to Walmart and I found my costume. I'm going to be a fallen angel. I bought black wings, I might wear Erika's black corset, fishnets, heels. I'm just not sure about the bottoms. I can't decide what sort of skirt to wear. Frustrating. Now, to the bar!