So I cried myself asleep again last night. Though it was 3:30am when I finally said fuck and closed my laptop, refusing to talk anymore. I was fighting back tears as it was during the conversation with him, but I wasn't going to cry talking to him. If I didn't leave my vodka at Andy's, I would've been chugging that last night. I was just completely miserable.
When I finally got the sobbing down and I drifted off, I dreamt. For the first time in a while, I dreamed about him. One of my best friends and I went on vacation and were exploring the wonderful city. And I saw him. It was kind of awkward. At least that's how my sleeping brain interpreted it. I don't know how else to explain bumping into someone you loved years later. So yeah, awkward.
As for Operation Distracted Heart, tonight after work I'm going to Andy's yet again. I plan to get plastered and pass out in a wicked inconvenient way. At least I plan to if I don't punch the shit out of Jeremiah if he plans on showing up. We're both working tonight and I hope I get cut first since I closed last night, only fair. Then there's that date with Michael in the morning, if I show up. Then more work! Keeping busy is the only thing keeping me relatively sane right now.
God, I don't know how you guys are putting up with me still. I'm depressing myself.