I Love The Way You Lie...

The most significant romantic relationship in my life lasted from February 10th 2007 to sometime in late June 2008. It became an on again off again complicated mess with ties being cut multiple times and broken promises of silence for another year. And while the relationship was never abusive, it sort of became the way in that messed up second year. No, never physical. He never hit me or land a hand on me in a hurtful manner. It was that sneakier way of abusing someone, that kind that sticks around much longer than the person. That's why, now over a year later, I'm still feeling it.

I'll take you back to the beginning. We met the summer of '05 and Mike was immediately smitten with me. Unfortunately I had a boyfriend, that was the summer I met my first real love and I couldn't be bothered with another guy. We didn't speak until the following year, around the end of my relationship with my first love. Once it was over, we started hanging out and I began to feel for him what he did for me and we started dating within the month. It seemed like the perfect relationship to me. I was with someone who had been in love with me from the time we met and absolutely adored me. We found out we had walked around each other all our lives. Our fathers knew each other, drug connections but this the early 90's, I lived next door to his grandmother, his best friend was the brother of my brother's best friend. His older sister even baby sat me a few times. To me, it seemed like fate. He became my whole life, he was my best friend, I saw him everyday. So when he proposed that summer, I said yes. I honestly believed we belonged together and we'd spend our lives together. We got in a car accident in the end of August and if I hadn't swerved he would've died. To my surprise, he stayed with me so I started my senior year of high school engaged and was happier than ever.

I'm going to try this again.

I haven't touched this thing in three years and honestly, I had completely forgotten about it. So I'm going to try to give blogging another attempt and see what happens. I was never known for keeping my commitments without someone making me...

So I'm now living in North Carolina and have been here since July. It's quiet and country, and massive change from the Cape Cod beaches I grew up with. At least know I can have real pets and I adore my kitten Delia. I rescued and asked an ex to name her, a slight mistake in hindsight. I don't do much of anything and have no social life whatsoever. The main downside of living in the country is the lack of people around. I'd love to have some friends to go out with but I generally end up staying home and watching too many forensic shows. As of now, I'm currently unemployed because my bitch of an ex manager fired me for "stealing" regardless of the fact I didn't actually do it, but whatever. Fuck her. I have an interview tomorrow and I have my fingers crossed. These past two and a half weeks have been awful. No job means no excuse to leave the house and no money to spend. I also took my entrance tests for the college this morning and starting in Jan. I'll be training to become a pharmacy tech. I'm starting to gt my life back on track and hopefully it continues like this and I actually become an adult.

I've been feeling pretty antisocial, bitter, and cold lately. I think too many bad relationships with bad guys have ruined my outlook on life. I don't open up as easily as I did was I was younger and I have noticed I'm bitchy off the bat, as if I need to do it before they have the chance. I'm much too defensive and I'm not liking it. It's gotten to the point that I've turned to the bottle I'm so sick of myself. I'm sort of hoping this random writing will be more therapy than those joke counsoling sessions I once made myself go to years ago. But I guess we'll have to see about that, you never know.

I'll end this here and perhaps I'll remember to check back in tomorrow.

Long Time. No Write.

I just remembered about this thing.
I forgot all about blogging my days worries.
Well in the after math of the Matt incident, I guess the world is just peachy.
College applications suck hard but that's pretty much a given.
I'll talk more later when I have the will.