Winter Blues

I go for my certification in just a few days.

After waiting a year and a half  for the  green light, I'm finally able to take the exam that will give me the slight extra responsibility at work. I'll be thankful I won't have to be buried in pharmacological texts.

Add that stress to my normal winter funk... I really hate this time of year. The holidays remind  most people of family. All it makes me think of is death. We're coming up on three years without my brother. His suicide just magnifies my depression and suicidal thoughts.

Just before Thanksgiving I relapsed. It had been over a year since I had hurt myself. Then I spent one month  cutting myself just about everyday. I didn't tell anyone until last night. The only reason I even told him was the possibility of him seeing my scars the next time I see him...

I seriously hate winter.

I Might Be Back...

I lost regular computer access a while back which ended any chance of posting that might have been. I'm going to attempt to post more now that I've gotten a phone fancy enough to allow this.

I refuse to make any sort of promise.

But maybe a quick update?
I'm still single, by choice. I don't want to settle. My Nana died. My car died. New car. Brother died. Cat ran away. New job.

Life.