Complicated Mess

I spent the majority of my day cleaning up Nana's house and helping her pack. She's leaving in the morning to venture back to the Cape for the summer. Gawd I'm jealous. I wish I was going with her. I ran around doing errands for her in the early afternoon. I have to admit I was that wicked annoying chick breaking a 100$ for a 5$ purchase. I'm pretty sure I saw the cashier glaring at me. What bitch, you had mad dough in yo drawer! I saw that shit! Have I mentioned I act ghetto when I'm telling people off in my mind? Shit just happened.

When I returned to her house she left to pay bills and left me with dahling Chipper. He seemed absolutely bored sitting on the porch with me while I was listening to music and texting Coworker. We were debating the use of pet names. I've gotten like, three from him and have no clue what I did to earn them. Apparently I'm "sweetheart", "hun", and "angel". The last is my personal one. I'm pretty sure anyone who knows me knows I'm no angel. I'm kind of a bitch. He's not close enough to get one from me yet. You have to earn that shit.

When my fried chicken arrived, I was balls deep in that delish, greasy mess of amazingness. Heaven. We were still packing the car when a burly black man walked by. Whooooosh, Chipper chases him barking his little heart out. Nana assures the man that Chipper won't hurt him, he just has an issue with men. I finished cleaning and responded to a text from Coworker. I headed out and stopped at work on the way. I parked, lit up a smoke and leaned against the side of the building. Coworker hung out with me and we chatted away inbetween puffs. He pinched my side, attempted to put his arm around me. That kind of felt weird. I allowed him to pull me closer but not as close as he wished and he kept his arm to himself. Another dude we work with, J, stood there with us and we talked about how ladylike I am for a few minutes after I spit.


Coworker went back inside and I gave J a ride home. I stopped back at the store for a minute to say bye to Coworker and he left on a delivery. He made me promise to text but I hadn't gone two miles before he texted me asking me to dinner Thursday night after work. I'm not sure about this. We both are in no position to date. We both just got dumped, or I did and I'm not sure who dumped who in his situation. He claims this is just as friends but it sounds like a date. And he admitting to liking me, calls me pet names, says he misses me, and asks me to hang out a lot. It's honestly freaking me out. I feel like it's too much too fast.

I'm almost afraid to go to dinner with him because I'll be nervous. Then I'll drink because I'm nervous. Then I'll invite him home because I was drinking. Then I'll sleep with him because we're alone and I'm drunk. It's just one bad decision after another and I'm not even sure how I feel about him. Like, he's fun to talk to but I'm honestly not sure if I'm attracted to him. He kind of has the body I go for, stick thin, but his face... not so sure. But me drunk doesn't care much. And I'm kind of proud of myself for this celibacy thing. I don't want to break it because I'm upset and intoxicated. I haven't given him an answer yet, maybe I'll just say no. Invite someone else out with us as a buffer.

J also invited both of us to a party next weekend, but Coworker will be in the field. Oh yeah, Coworker's a Marine by the way. I might go to the party, J's asked me to go out with everyone before and I just haven't. Maybe if E goes, she's the only person besides Coworker I really talk to from work. I'm just so confused about everything. I'm in love with someone who doesn't want me and I can't get my head around it. Or anything else for that matter.

Life sure is something.