09 December 2010

I Love Shitty Drivers

By love I mean I love making fun of them. While driving into Jacksonville with a friend of mine earlier today we were behind this completely awesome looking Corvette. I honestly almost jizzed from the absolute glory of it, the car was so beautiful. We're driving behind this car and his blinker is on. His left blinker while in the center lane with no intention of merging, but his blinker was on. I was laughing more than I thought possible.  He finally turned it off and we passed him. Now, I did make eye conact with this man as we sped by, mainly because I have a thing for cute guys with hotter cars. I was very disappointed to be locking eyes with a large black man. He must have felt shown up by my lack of enthusiasm or a lesser car passing him because not two minutes later he's speeding full throttle past us, causing the two of us to nearing piss our pants from laughter. We did catch up to him at a light a few minutes later, and yes, his blinker was on.

Later on in the evening, we were heading home. We get stuck behind this dickwad in a Mitsubishi who apparently doesn't know how to drive his own car. He continually brake checked us regardless of the fact we were a car length behind him. It wasn't like we were on his ass or anything. He did this for ten minutes before we came to a light, which we did then get right up on his bumper. He'd inch forward, so would we. Another inch forward on his part, then followed up by us. The guy hated us.

Now I'm from Massachusetts and we're known for being notoriously aggressive drivers. We ride your ass, swerve in traffic, and rush you like no tomorrow. We learn from crazy city and tourist traffic you have to be aggressive to get anyway. No one is going to let you out, so inch your nose into the road until they're forced to let you. We're awesome with road rage. Middle fingers waving, swears flying. We're not afriad to let you know if you pissed us off. We are called Massholes for a reason. I love driving like this, makes you feel active, alive. I do all those driving manuevers and get pissed if you use them against me. I'm impatient if it takes longer than I'm willing to spend to get to a destination and I love it. If I had a better, faster car I'd be happy to make my driving a more frightful experience for the general public.

On a side note, I got new plugs for my ears today. I have my ears stretched only to a 6gauge, it's itty bitty don't worry, and I got tired of the two choices I had. So I got myself some wonderful glow in the dark plugs, which came in four different colors. I'm so excited for my ear lobes to start glowing!


thedrewblog said...

you can take the girl out of Massachusetts, but you cant take the Massachusetts out of the girl :)

Jess said...

You love it, DrewDrewface!