06 December 2010

Revamping and Halloween Stories

When I have bouts of insomnia, it apparently ends in another new look for the page. I like this one, so maybe it'll stay this way for awhile. I spent forever on the new banner and it's a little big but I'm just fine with that. I'm supposed to be up in about five hours and out the door in six. I doubt I'm going to get more than a short nap. Tea and coffee are just going to have to be my best friends now aren't they.

Since I'm going slightly crazy from boredom I'll share a story. This takes place a few days before Halloween of 2009 while I was living in Salem, Ma. I was invited to a costume party in Lynn, just a town over, and I was pretty excited as I had choosen to dress up as Billy Mays that year. You all remember Billy Mays right, the amazing man who screamed at you to buy his cleaning products? Yeah, I love him. I looked quite amazing, especially next to Michael Jackson. Yep, my best friend, Mal, went as the one and only MJacks. She was probably the best MJacks impersonator you could hope to see.

We drove to the party and arrived with Oxy-Clean and a Cabbage Patch doll in tow. I immediately started drinking, it was a party afterall. I had a bottle of champagne and orange juice to make mimosas and boy, did I get drunk. After a few hours, we decide to leave and Mal walks me down the stairs and into the driveway. We hear shouting coming from above us. We look up and the voices belong to two guys chilling out on the balcony. Neither of us knew these men and I was drunk as poop. I still to this day laugh at the conversation that transpired:

Random Guy On Balcony: Hey girls.
Drunk as Poop Jess: Yo...
RGB: Why are all the girls leaving now that we're here?
DPJ: I don't know, but we're leaving.
RGB: Where are you two going?
DPJ: My place.
RGB: We could take the party there.
DPJ: But I don't know you.
RGB: Well, I'm *name*.
DPJ: Well, I'm Jess and I still don't know you!
RGB: But you could...
DPJ: Dude, I'm drunk and still saying no. Now don't look, I need to strip.

At this point I ducked behind a jeep and started ripping out all the ace bandages and scarves I had stuffed in my shirt as part of my costume. While all this is happening, Mal is just laughing her ass off and trying to block the guy's view of me. Once we gather up everything I threw to the ground, Mal and I walk to my car while I'm trying to convince her I can drive. I do lose that fight and hand over my keys. But I make drunk phone calls for the entire car ride about wanting chicken nuggets before passing out.


thedrewblog said...

you are now forever known as "drunk as poop Jess" <3

Jess said...

It's the way I'm usually known! =D